


Memories

by khapture



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 02:45:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khapture/pseuds/khapture
Summary: Memories consume Dean after the events at the lake.  Spoilers for 12x23.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I'm still in denial about 12x23 so here's this!

“Nooo!” Dean cried out as he watched Castiel’s body shine the brightest blue he had only ever seen when an angel was killed. _This can’t be happening. Not again. Please, this can’t be real._ Dean’s mind was reeling. And to add insult to injury, just moments later his mom was trapped in the other world with Lucifer. Dean didn’t even register Sam running back to the house to deal with the Nephilim.

All Dean could do was stare at Cas’ motionless body. He sunk to his knees next to him, and looked to the sky. _Please,_ he prayed, _please don’t take him from me._ He looked at the ground, taking in the wings that had been charred into the ground. He’s watched Cas die before and he always came back. He would come back this time. He just had to. Cas had been resolved to a pile of mush and goo by the hands of Lucifer almost seven years ago, and he came back stronger than ever. Cas even died while he was human, and he came back. But this. This just felt so final. The wings on the ground mocked his hope.

Dean reached out to touch the charred wings and he couldn’t hold back anymore. His typical strong demeanor fell away as his vision blurred with tears and his body was wracked with sobs. He collapsed forward onto Cas’s chest, clawing at his shirt and trench coat like his life depended on it. Memories from the past eight years came flooding through Dean’s grieving mind, drowning him. Their first meeting in the barn. Cas risking his life, rebelling against heaven, saving his ass time and time again. Rescuing Sam from Hell. He did all of it, for Dean. Granted, Cas never went about things the right way. But his heart was always in the right place. Taking on Purgatory and the Leviathans. Trying to close the doors to Heaven. Letting Lucifer out. He was always trying. And dammit if Dean wasn’t the first one to jump down Cas’ throat when he did screw up. He didn’t talk to Cas for days after he killed Billie. Because he was worried. He didn’t want to think about what would happen to Cas, because he couldn’t let anything happen to him.

 _It’s because I care,_ he realized. _I’ve always worried about you, Cas._ He’ll never forget that night in the barn after Ramiel had stabbed Cas. Cas told him that he loved him, in front of his mom and Sam. And Dean was a coward. He never told Cas he loved him too. And now it was too late. _Bring him back to me,_ he prayed to whoever would listen. _I can’t do this without him. Bring him back._

Dean barely registered the door of the house opening and Sam walking up to him with the Nephilim. Dean had no plans of moving any time soon, and Sam knew that. He had seen his brother upset before, but never like this. Nothing had ever affected him this hard, and he was terrified of what would happen if Jack wasn’t able to bring Cas back. Sam placed a hand on Dean’s back and could feel Dean’s tremors. “Dean,” Sam’s voice was tender, just above a whisper. “Dean, Jack might be able to bring Cas back.”

It took Dean a moment to register what Sam had said. He slowly raised himself back onto his knees and looked at Jack. He voice was hoarse and thick with sorrow when he asked Jack, “Can you really do that?”

“All I can do is try.”

“Please,” was all Dean was able to say.

Jack nodded and placed two fingers on Cas’ forehead, just like Cas had done to Dean all those times. After Lucifer beat him to a bloody pulp before Sam regained control of his body. After Cas was the one to beat him down while under Naomi’s control. After just the other day when Dean used the grenade launcher to escape the bunker. The wound on Cas’ chest began to glow the same golden color of Jack’s eyes. When the light faded, Dean desperately looked from Jack’s face to Cas’.

“Did it work?” Sam asked, reading Dean’s mind.

“To a degree. I was able to bring back his being, but not his grace. Castiel will have to live the rest of his life as a human.” With that, Jack stood up and walked back toward the house, Sam following closely behind. No way was he going to leave Jack unattended.

Dean never took his eyes off of Cas. He laid there motionless for several minutes. Dean’s panic started to return as time dragged on, worried that Jack had lied to him. Slowly, Cas’ eyes opened and a wave of relief washed over Dean, bringing new tears forward.

“Cas?” his voice breaking.

“Dean,” he breathed as he sat up. “How am-” Cas’ question was cut off as Dean threw himself into Cas’ arms, hugging him tighter than he ever had before. His body shook with more sobs. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean. “It’s ok. I’m right here.”

“But you weren’t, Cas” he cried, his voicing cracking. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Cas pulled away from Dean to look him in the eyes. He took Dean’s face in his hands and truly saw to sorrow and grief and guilt in his green eyes. “Dean, you have nothing to apologize for. Not ever.” He wiped the tears from Dean’s face as new ones took their place.

“I-I,” Dean took a breath to steady himself. “I love you too, Cas.”

In his usual, confused, fashion, Cas titled his head before realizing what Dean was saying. He smiled and pulled Dean in for a kiss. Dean gripped the trench coat like his life depended on it as he kissed Cas back. The kiss was short and left Dean breathless and wanting more. _Thank you, Jack,_ Dean prayed, unsure if the Nephilim would even hear him.

From the kitchen window, Sam watched the tender scene unfold before him. He smiled, relieved that Cas was alright. Which meant Dean would be alright.


End file.
